World Records

Next week, on the 4th of July, I will be on Coney Island, New York to watch the International Nathan's Hot Dog Eating competition.  I'll probably witness another world record by some tiny man who can put away 50 hot dogs and buns in thirty minutes.

Considering these hot dogs also riled my imagination for records.  What, I wondered, are some of the donut-eating records . . . and could I break one of them?
Well, friends, I found one that seems to be right up my alley.  According to the Guiness Book of World Records, on December 12, 2010 a gentleman named Shamus Petherick ate 6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes at the Donuts N More shop in Queensland, Australia.  And there it sits:  6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes.

Really?  That's the record?

Now, this may seem easier said that done, but I do believe (honestly!) that I could eat 6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes . . . if I could dunk em in coffee.  Unless, of course, we are talking about some BIG donuts or if the donuts simply had to be eaten without liquid.  Powdered donuts are indeed dry, and I suppose 6 in 3 minutes could pose a serious health risk if one got choked.

Still, I'd like to try.

But I'd need witnesses.  Would anyone like to give me a shot at making the record book?  And how does one go about contacting these folks to see what it takes to break a record like this one?

I've got the powdered donuts.  I've got the coffee.  I might as well own the record. 

The Panera Paradox

Last week I met an old friend for breakfast at Panera Bread.  I arrived a few minutes early and began perusing the pastry case so that I could make an educated decision about my breakfast fare.  Right away, I was drawn to the orange scone.

I'm not sure a scone, technically, passes as a donut.  But this one was moist and delicious.  Just the right amount of flavoring vs. texture.  And for something that may have been sitting in the case for days (?) it came off tasting rather fresh.

It had been some months since I'd eaten at a Panera Bread, and actually, I'd all but forgotten about the place.  But I enjoyed their coffee selections, too.  Since they were there for the taking, I blended several and tried to concoct my own "house blend".

I do think that Panera is a bakery . . . but it's more than this.  It's also a soup and sandwich stand and a fresh salad cart.  Since last I entered their doors I was taken by the new menu and the breadth of the breakfast and lunch/dinner fare they offered.

Well . . . I'll be back.  There will surely be a few people who would enjoy meeting there for breakfast or lunch.  I might even have another scone.

Left Overs

Hot on the heels of my daughter's wedding are the left over pastries.  I purchased donuts for the wedding party on the morning of, and there is also a preponderance of cupcakes still waiting to be eaten. I'm making my way through these mounds one day at a time.

I know what bakeries do with their day-olds, but what do I do with my week-olds?








Here are my thoughts at this point:

If I had a nickle
For every donut I ate
I'd have a big jar
Of nickels
But a lot less weight . . .

But then there would
Be no place, God knows,
To put those nickels . . .
So just in case
I'll only eat the donut holes.

Donut Art

I have spent the bulk of my time at Vacation Bible School working in the kitchen.  On Wednesday we created acorns out of donut holes.  Here's how:

Take a donut hole, dip the top into melted chocolate, dip the chocolate top into chopped walnuts, poke a pretzel stick into the top and . . . viola!  Acorn!

I'm grateful to have learned a new donut art . . . and it's a tasty treat I may make in the future for a party. 

You can do it, too!  Just don't eat the profits!

The Baseball Donut

When I was a kid (just a small billy goat) I played a great deal of summer baseball.  And one of the tools that batters used back in those days was something called a "donut". 

The donut was a circular weight that would drop over the bottom of the bat and would allow the hitter to practice swinging a heavier bat in the "hole" while he was waiting to get to the plate.  Baseball players still do this today, although the donut seems to have fallen out of fashion among some hitters, who seem to prefer swinging lead pipes, heavy fungo bats, or sleeves.  You don't see many old-school donuts anymore.

I wonder if anyone has considered creating new baseball donuts that actually look like donuts?  These could be specialty items.  Imagine major league baseball players swinging a lead donut that looks like a cruller, or one that looks like a jelly-filled or sprinkle.

Could be a good thing for baseball and might be a great addition to the game!

The Funeral Home Donut

A few weeks ago, while visiting a family in a funeral home, I rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a plate of donuts.  I like this idea:  donuts as comfort food; donuts as soul-food; donuts as grief therapy.  There's a reason those donuts were there!  It was part of God's plan instituted at the beginning of the universe.

Naturally, I shed a tear and picked up a donut.  I thanked the funeral director for his contribution to my waistline and strode out.  The day had suddenly turned bright.

I'd like to recommend that all funeral homes keep fresh donuts on hand (or even stale ones).  I'd like to see more donuts closer to the casket . . . like flower arrangements.  Why not donut arrangements?  Why not a flowing sugar fountain where mourners can dip their own unglazed yeast donuts?

I'd like this at my funeral.  Folks could say, "Well, he wasn't much in life, but good God how he loved his pastry!  What a party!"

Others could say, "He was a failure as a husband, father, pastor and writer . . . but he knew his cruellers!" 

Some people might even rise to give testimony to the whole (and the hole) of my life's work.

Who knows.  All those donuts at my funeral might even revive me.  Or, with all those preservatives inside, I may not have to be embalmed.

National Donut Day

In the event you forgot . . . today (Friday, June 1) is National Donut Day.  The day was started many decades ago in honor of the good work that The Salvation Army performed during the first World War, when soldiers were given "doughnuts" and coffee near the trenches to both energize the body and comfort the spirit.

Donuts have been a comfort food ever since.

This morning I found my way to Dunkin' Donuts (yes, there is a sign for National Donut Day!) and after ordering my coffee, received a free donut of choice.  The place was packed, and it was obvious that others also had similar designs.

I didn't have time to check on my job application with Dunkin' . . . didn't want to take the manager away from more important matters (like customers). 

But don't forget to check out your free donut today.  That little bit of pastry might be just the thing to hold you together through some tough times.  You know you want one.

Just remember . . . all things in moderation.  And that includes donuts!