Donut Over-and-Out

After some introspection (and digestion) I've decided that my foray into the world of donuts and doughnut-eating and appreciation must come to an end.  Outside of visiting the bakeries on my "to do" list, I've rather exhausted my available insights into the world of doughnuts.

It also seems that most people much prefer my "Manopause" blog, which continues to pick up readers by the score.   And so it is time to bid adieu to starch and concentrate on graying hair, lost libido, dimming eyesight, and pre-planning my funeral so my wife won't bury me in a ditch.  I hope you will join me for the adventure (www.manopauze.blogspot.com).

Of course, I will continue to offer my "Between Pages" blog too--going on six-years running--and I hope you will continue to read about what I am reading and join me for some humorous insights into the world of writing.

See you @ toddoutcalt.blogspot.com.  Always.  And THANK YOU!

Krispy Kreme Komforts

When I lived on the south side of Indianapolis there was a Krispy Kreme establishment that opened two blocks from the house.  This KK was a source of constant temptation to me . . . and I frequently found myself stopping by to grab a quick glazed.

The worst infraction, however, occurred one evening when the family was out of town.  Driving by the Krispy Kreme that night, I noted the HOT sign lit in the window.  And who can resist the hot glazed, fresh from the cooker?

I stopped in, bought a full dozen, and a block down the road, at a gas station, purchased a half gallon of ice cold skim milk.  Minutes later I was home, polishing off the entire dozen.

Naturally, I was nauseated, but those dozen hot glazed sure tasted good on the way down. 

And I've been drinking skim milk ever since.

Rolling Toward Crescent

From time to time people recommend doughnut shops . . . places I should visit.  A recent an article in an IU student publication suggested I visit Crescent Donuts, on Adams Street.

I've not been there, but the place sounds interesting:  real people making real donuts for folks like me who crave something unique.  Crescent seems like it would fit the bill.

Now that my daughter lives in Bloomington and has exponentially increased the odds that I will be traveling to Bloomington more frequently, I'll have to give Crescent a try.  This place appears to have all the trimmings.

And, if anyone out there has tasted this product and wants to comment, please do.  I'd love to get your first-hand recommendation while I'm rolling toward Crescent.

Seed Money

This donut seed idea could catch on.  There must be a way to develop these things.  If we can create a Hollywood set that looks like we sent a man to the moon, or if Sasquatch can eat beef jerky, or if Congress can get a 10% approval rating . . . then surely we can create a donut seed. 

Surely there is a think tank with men and women working on this right now . . . funded, or course, by millions of tax dollars.  If a Pentagon plunger costs $198.95, and a Senate whip can earn $195,000 a year, and a bottle of Clorox for the Washington Monument costs $245,000 . . . then surely to Betsy someone can figure out how to grow donuts.

In fact, I'll be working up some ideas this weekend . . . doing a few experiments in my basement using left over pizza dough and four empty Advil capsules.  I may not end up with donuts, but since we haven't yet vacuumed the carpet since the kids moved out, I'm sure I can grow something under the pool table.  It's dark and dank down there, and, quite frankly, the whole place gives me the creeps.  I don't go down there unless Becky is with me and I have a flashlight and some Perry Como songs are playing in the background.

At night there are sounds.  And in a few weeks I hope to reap my first harvest.  Jelly-filled, of course. 

Square Roots

A couple of weeks ago, while driving through Terre Haute, Indiana, I had made plans to stop by Square Donuts.  I drove over to third street, pulled into the parking lot, and discovered the establishment was closed.  Or, at least it looked to be vacant.

But I learned later, from good ol' Dad, that the Square Donuts had moved closer to the ISU campus, and I had actually driven past it on my way into town.  How could I have missed it?  Don't know.

At any rate, I feel like a square, not keeping a good eye on the horizon.  I can usually spot a donut shop a mile off, or smell the ambiance.

But next time I venture west, you can bet I'll fine Square Donuts.  I may be a round peg . . . but I can be a square.  I've got to get back on the wagon.

The Gas Station Donut (Continued)

(Continued)

So . . . did I eat that gas station donut?

Actually, no.  I passed on it.

True, I'm game for many challenges and when it comes to donuts, I have been known to eat about anything created from dough.  But that donut . . . it just looked too dangerous, as in diphtheria dangerous, black plague dangerous.

Which leads me to ask the real question:  what was that donut doing in the gas station display case?  Why keep it there if someone like me would find it attractive?

I may not ever eat a donut from a gas station . . . but believe me, I'll keep looking.  There's got to be a challenge out there somewhere!

The Gas Station Donut

Friday, on my way home from a hospital visit, I stopped by a gas station.  When I went inside to pay (cash), I noted that there was a donut in the display case.  A young lady behind the counter didn't flinch when I asked, "How much is that donut?"

She peered through the filthy, finger-spotted glass toward the treat.  "Oh," she said, "is that what it is?"

"Isn't that a donut?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," she answered.  "What were you planning on doing with it?"

"Well," I said, "I was considering it for lunch."

"Really?!!"  She seemed impressed, as if she were talking to a fellow in the circus who would soon be biting the head off a live bat or eating the gizzard out of a chicken.  "You would really eat that?"

"How long has it been in there?" I asked.

"As long as I've worked here," said.  "And isn't that mold?"

"Green food coloring," I said.  "Now you've got me intrigued.  I want it more than ever.  A donut like that . . . I can't pass it up.   It's a challenge.  How much is it?"

She studied the concoction in the case and eventually said, "I can't charge you for that in good conscience.  It might kill you."

"Even better," I said.  "Lay it on me!"

She pulled on the donut and it came out in strands, various-sized tidbits that she packed together like Play-Dough and delicately placed on a napkin.  "That is so gross," she said.  "You sure you want to eat it?"

I thought about it.  Really, I did.  "I'm not sure," I said, obtaining my first glimpse of the donut in full sunlight.  "Maybe I'd better pass."

"And I wanted to see you eat it!"  She called out to another young lady who was stocking the shelves.  "Guy here was gonna eat this!"

A crowd had gathered.  My reputation was on the line.  People were staring at me as if they had paid good money--perhaps a month's wages--to see a guy bite into a fourteen-month-old doughnut and live to tell about it. 

And no doubt . . . you're wondering, too . . .

(TO BE CONTINUED . . . )

Clean Up On Aisle Freebie

It happened on Monday morning when I arrived at the church.  They were still sitting there:  three plates of leftover donuts from the Sunday fellowship.

What did I do?  I ate 'em.  And why not?  No one else was going to do it.  If not me.  Who?  If not now, when?  And if not all of them, why waste?

Sure, I'll have to work out extra hard at the gym, but when the people don't eat the food, what choice do I have?  They must go down . . . like Moses . . . with milk . . . with coffee.

Total donuts consumed?  Not sure.  I stopped counting.

Kind of like that guy eating all the hot dogs at Nathan's on July 4.  One doesn't think about appetite.

The Cost of Free Donuts

NPR is now telling a fascinating story about the cost of free doughnuts.  (Thanks, Mike, for this one!)

Evidently, the Red Cross--which began serving doughnuts to the troops during WWI (and hence the term "doughboys")--began charging for coffee and doughnuts in 1942.  Many WWII veterans, especially, have resented the Red Cross ever since.

The story serves as a reminder that it is dangerous to "change lanes".  What once was free may produce resentment once there is a charge for it.

There are many companies and services that may fall into this category.  But there may be another lesson, too.

Everyone wants something for free these days, and maybe doughnuts fit into that category.  But then, is there really a "free" lunch? 

Makes me ponder:  whenever something is "free", who's really paying for it?

Kind of a doughnut mystery, isn't it? 

Long Way Home

I had to do it.  On Monday, while driving back from a hospital visit, I was lured off the road near Speedway by the scent of Long's Bakery.  The line was long inside the doors, but I knew the outcome would be worth it.

I ordered two fried cinnamon buns and a cup of coffee (which was scalding, as I received the first fresh cup from the brew).  Ate both of these buns before I drove past the Speedway itself, the curbs still littered with debris from the Brickyard 400.  Smooth eating, those Long's Bakery delights.

But here's the kicker.  (And don't ask me how I do it.)

After eating these buns, and weighing myself at the gym, I proceeded to work out vigorously for 25 minutes, during which time I performed some of my heaviest leg presses in months, did triceps work, deltoids, abdominals, and closed with calf raises.  I was huffing, puffing, and sweating my T-shirt through and some minutes later, weighed two pounds less than when I entered the gym.

Not a bad way to chase down two fried cinnamon buns . . . and doing a little bun work of my own.

I feel light as a feather now, and ready for a couple more treats from Long's.  Send me in coach!

Olympic Eating

Should doughnut eating be an Olympic event? 

The Olympic emblem suggests it should . . . as observers will note that the emblem is designed of five interlocking donuts:  a strawberry one, a chocolate one, blueberry, lemon and lime.  The guy who designed this thing was obviously a big fan and was probably ambling his way through a boxed-dozen when the Olympic committee called and asked him to submit a drawing.

Immediately, doughnuts came to mind.

What the background stories on our athletes will never reveal, of course, is that many of the top stars eat these things before they compete.  Oh, sure, you probably won't see a gymnast or one of those skinny equestrian-riders stuffing themselves, but you can't tell me that the big mamma who throws the hammer or the rolly-polly shot-putter from Topeka, Kansas doesn't nail down a half dozen before each event.  And I'm not going to get into the Olympic weight lifters or the wrestlers who, obviously, have consumed boxes of these things.  It's an Olympic tradition.

In a few days, when we begin watching the events from London, watch for the faint traces of powdered sugar on some our athletes.  Evidence will be there if you look closely enough. 

Terre Haute, Indiana

On Thursday I will be driving through Terre Haute, Indiana (the town Steve Martin once said was destroyed by a Jell-O bomb).  I plan to stop in at one of the oldest Indiana donut landmarks:  Square Donuts.  On Wabash Avenue.

Interesting feature, these donuts.  They are not round.  But square.  Hence the name.  Glazed, too.

I hope to bring back a full report from Square Donuts to share here on this blog in the coming week.  And if they have any gourmet donuts, I may try a few of those, too.

Let the eating begin.

Gourmet Donuts

A recent article in a business magazine noted that "gourmet donuts" are now a billion-dollar-a-year industry, with new and surprising dough concoctions cropping up in shops across the nation.  Whereas, the typical donut shop might charge up to $1 for a "regular" donut, the new gourmet versions are topping out at the $5 mark (or even more).

The new fare, with combinations like chili-mango and apricot-and-Cinnamon, seem to be the new fad, and many people seem willing--even in a tough economy--to plunk down a five-spot for a bite of a newfangled taste-sensation.

My hunch is that this trend will trend away, along with crocs and leisure suits and pet rocks.  The average person, I don't think, is going to walk away with a five dollar donut, no matter how unique or finely-tuned it may be.

However, there are been stranger trends in the world of food.  As the author points out in the article, the gourmet donut is not touted as a donut at all, but as a super-treat along the lines of a dessert or point-of-purchase delicacy.  The idea is, if people will buy a five dollar ice cream cone (and they do!) or pay five dollars for a dessert (heck, most desserts cost more!) then they will most certainly spring for a five dollar donut of superior quality (and they are!).

Well, I'll be going in search of some of these big game fish in the coming weeks.  I've got a roll of fivers in my wallet earmarked for the catch and a series of blogs waiting in review.  And if anyone out there has a gourmet donut I should try, don't hesitate to drop me a line.  I'll bite. 

The flavor and the aroma will most certainly reel me in.

Oil Change and a Donut

This morning I drove my car to Big O Tire's in Brownsburg for an oil change.  Distance from my house:  about 400 yards.  Next door to the Big O Tire is Dunkin' Donuts.  Distance from my house:  about 300 yards. 

Solution:  Drop the car off for an oil change and pick up donuts for the walk home. 

Of course, I'm still waiting for Dunkin' Donuts to call me about my job application.  I'm still willing to unlock at 4:30 a.m. each morning and get the donuts going.  I'm still the man to call when there is 3 feet of snow on the ground and all the cars are stranded in ditches.  I'm still the man for quality control.

Give me a quart of milk and a clean glass . . . I'm good to go.

In a New York Minute

Here's the thing:  anybody craving a donut in New York doesn't have to walk far to find a bakery.  There are donuts on nearly even street corner.  Bakeries--particularly bagel factories--are as plentiful as fleas.

Every morning, during our stay at the hotel Pennsylvania, my wife and I would rise early enough to beat the crowds to the "free" continental breakfast fare at the hotel coffee shop.  We were not disappointed. 

In addition to some fine New York-style coffee (which we both enjoyed immensely) we were impressed by the fresh donuts and pastries we could select.  I grew to love the cheese danish . . . and I'm sure these arrived fresh each morning from a local bakery, probably located around the corner.

The great thing about eating donuts in New York--particularly if one is a tourist--is that even the stingiest metabolisms are no match for the amount of energy required to traverse the subway or press forward through the masses on the sidewalks.  A tourist must walk for miles--and be willing to endure pain, hardship, humiliation, and the occasional drunk or panhandler or pick-pocket, in order to arrive at the new destination.

Donuts are not a wimpy fare in New York, but a necessity.  One must have calories to burn, carbs to fuel up the heavy pace of a day filled with stifling noise, obscenities, irate cabbies, and the energies required to stand in long lines for hours in the scorching sun. 

Donuts are not for wimps.  That's why I eat them: to remind myself that real men eat dough and frequently dunk.  It's not about gaining weight.  In New York it's about clinging to one's sanity.

World Records

Next week, on the 4th of July, I will be on Coney Island, New York to watch the International Nathan's Hot Dog Eating competition.  I'll probably witness another world record by some tiny man who can put away 50 hot dogs and buns in thirty minutes.

Considering these hot dogs also riled my imagination for records.  What, I wondered, are some of the donut-eating records . . . and could I break one of them?
Well, friends, I found one that seems to be right up my alley.  According to the Guiness Book of World Records, on December 12, 2010 a gentleman named Shamus Petherick ate 6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes at the Donuts N More shop in Queensland, Australia.  And there it sits:  6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes.

Really?  That's the record?

Now, this may seem easier said that done, but I do believe (honestly!) that I could eat 6 powdered donuts in 3 minutes . . . if I could dunk em in coffee.  Unless, of course, we are talking about some BIG donuts or if the donuts simply had to be eaten without liquid.  Powdered donuts are indeed dry, and I suppose 6 in 3 minutes could pose a serious health risk if one got choked.

Still, I'd like to try.

But I'd need witnesses.  Would anyone like to give me a shot at making the record book?  And how does one go about contacting these folks to see what it takes to break a record like this one?

I've got the powdered donuts.  I've got the coffee.  I might as well own the record. 

The Panera Paradox

Last week I met an old friend for breakfast at Panera Bread.  I arrived a few minutes early and began perusing the pastry case so that I could make an educated decision about my breakfast fare.  Right away, I was drawn to the orange scone.

I'm not sure a scone, technically, passes as a donut.  But this one was moist and delicious.  Just the right amount of flavoring vs. texture.  And for something that may have been sitting in the case for days (?) it came off tasting rather fresh.

It had been some months since I'd eaten at a Panera Bread, and actually, I'd all but forgotten about the place.  But I enjoyed their coffee selections, too.  Since they were there for the taking, I blended several and tried to concoct my own "house blend".

I do think that Panera is a bakery . . . but it's more than this.  It's also a soup and sandwich stand and a fresh salad cart.  Since last I entered their doors I was taken by the new menu and the breadth of the breakfast and lunch/dinner fare they offered.

Well . . . I'll be back.  There will surely be a few people who would enjoy meeting there for breakfast or lunch.  I might even have another scone.

Left Overs

Hot on the heels of my daughter's wedding are the left over pastries.  I purchased donuts for the wedding party on the morning of, and there is also a preponderance of cupcakes still waiting to be eaten. I'm making my way through these mounds one day at a time.

I know what bakeries do with their day-olds, but what do I do with my week-olds?








Here are my thoughts at this point:

If I had a nickle
For every donut I ate
I'd have a big jar
Of nickels
But a lot less weight . . .

But then there would
Be no place, God knows,
To put those nickels . . .
So just in case
I'll only eat the donut holes.

Donut Art

I have spent the bulk of my time at Vacation Bible School working in the kitchen.  On Wednesday we created acorns out of donut holes.  Here's how:

Take a donut hole, dip the top into melted chocolate, dip the chocolate top into chopped walnuts, poke a pretzel stick into the top and . . . viola!  Acorn!

I'm grateful to have learned a new donut art . . . and it's a tasty treat I may make in the future for a party. 

You can do it, too!  Just don't eat the profits!

The Baseball Donut

When I was a kid (just a small billy goat) I played a great deal of summer baseball.  And one of the tools that batters used back in those days was something called a "donut". 

The donut was a circular weight that would drop over the bottom of the bat and would allow the hitter to practice swinging a heavier bat in the "hole" while he was waiting to get to the plate.  Baseball players still do this today, although the donut seems to have fallen out of fashion among some hitters, who seem to prefer swinging lead pipes, heavy fungo bats, or sleeves.  You don't see many old-school donuts anymore.

I wonder if anyone has considered creating new baseball donuts that actually look like donuts?  These could be specialty items.  Imagine major league baseball players swinging a lead donut that looks like a cruller, or one that looks like a jelly-filled or sprinkle.

Could be a good thing for baseball and might be a great addition to the game!

The Funeral Home Donut

A few weeks ago, while visiting a family in a funeral home, I rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a plate of donuts.  I like this idea:  donuts as comfort food; donuts as soul-food; donuts as grief therapy.  There's a reason those donuts were there!  It was part of God's plan instituted at the beginning of the universe.

Naturally, I shed a tear and picked up a donut.  I thanked the funeral director for his contribution to my waistline and strode out.  The day had suddenly turned bright.

I'd like to recommend that all funeral homes keep fresh donuts on hand (or even stale ones).  I'd like to see more donuts closer to the casket . . . like flower arrangements.  Why not donut arrangements?  Why not a flowing sugar fountain where mourners can dip their own unglazed yeast donuts?

I'd like this at my funeral.  Folks could say, "Well, he wasn't much in life, but good God how he loved his pastry!  What a party!"

Others could say, "He was a failure as a husband, father, pastor and writer . . . but he knew his cruellers!" 

Some people might even rise to give testimony to the whole (and the hole) of my life's work.

Who knows.  All those donuts at my funeral might even revive me.  Or, with all those preservatives inside, I may not have to be embalmed.

National Donut Day

In the event you forgot . . . today (Friday, June 1) is National Donut Day.  The day was started many decades ago in honor of the good work that The Salvation Army performed during the first World War, when soldiers were given "doughnuts" and coffee near the trenches to both energize the body and comfort the spirit.

Donuts have been a comfort food ever since.

This morning I found my way to Dunkin' Donuts (yes, there is a sign for National Donut Day!) and after ordering my coffee, received a free donut of choice.  The place was packed, and it was obvious that others also had similar designs.

I didn't have time to check on my job application with Dunkin' . . . didn't want to take the manager away from more important matters (like customers). 

But don't forget to check out your free donut today.  That little bit of pastry might be just the thing to hold you together through some tough times.  You know you want one.

Just remember . . . all things in moderation.  And that includes donuts!

National Donut Day

Since 1938, when the Salvation Army instituted the holiday, the first Friday of June has been designated as "National Donut Day".  This year you can make your plans to take advantage of NDD.

On Friday morning you can visit Krispy Kreme and receive a free donut (no purchase necessary).  And Donkin Donuts will give anyone a free donut with the purchase of a drink.

You know I'll be there! 

See you on National Donut Day.  Friday, June 1.

And thank you, Salvation Army!

A Donut By Any Other Name

At a volunteer lunch on Wednesday we were asked to name as many types of donuts as possible in one minute.  I started naming and the clock began ticking.

But the more donuts I named, the hungrier I became.  I felt like one of Pavlov's dogs drooling over the sound of a bell.  Someone mentions "donuts" and I begin thinking about eating them.

I also imagine that Plato had a notion of the perfect donut . . . a donut set on the ideal plain.  A donut fit for heaven that formed the ideal for donuts everywhere.

I'm still searching for that donut . . . and some day I hope to find it.  But the search itself is the wonder.  It's not the donut destination I'm after, but the journey to it.

Donut Donations

Last week, at a grocery store checkout aisle, I was asked to make a $1.00 donation that would provide donuts for an inner-city ministry to the poor.  I was all over it.  Donuts and donations?  I purchased breakfast for a dozen people.  How could I not?

I had not given it much thought, but donuts do travel well.  They can be carted in boxes or bags, and even in the extremes of cold or heat, they hold up well in the trenches.  Better yet, I'm sure a donut packs a greater calorie whollop than most any food ounce-per-ounce.

I was glad to place these donuts on the street.  I feel an affinity toward those who will bite into them.

Of course I've always known that donuts and ministry go hand-in-hand.  Wasn't that the way that Jesus fed the 5000?

Or was that some other food?

Tops

Reading my Top Pot Doughnut Recipe book, I have learned that Top Pot provides some 4-million doughnuts to Starbucks restaurants wordwide.  That's a bunch of baking.

And as far as distrubution goes, that would make Top Pot one of the major players in dough.  Add it all up, you get a company that's far more than a mom-and-pop establishment.

Surprisingly, the Top Pot book also pointed out that, as the economy has taken a nose-dive, comfort foods like doughnuts have been on the rise.  People eat more, I suppose to drown their sorrows.  (While I, on the other hand, eat because these things taste so good!)

I may not be an expert on many things, but doughnuts happen to be one of my specialties.  I had not considered it before, but if I was shown a display of various doughnuts, I could probably identify their origins and company very easily.

And yes, Top Pot Doughnuts have a look, too.  I should know.  I've been to the circus in Seattle and I've seen the show.  These are some of the best doughnuts in the country.

Trust me.

(Just don't eat yourself into an early grave!)

Return to Top Pot

After reading my pre-Father's-day donut book, I've learned a great deal about Top Pot Doughnuts based in Seattle.  Consider, for example, that this bakery churns out over four million donuts a day (holy cow, that's a lot of dough and a lot of dough!).  Many of these doughnuts end up in the display cases at Starbucks.

Now I know where these doughnuts come from, and why I will likely look to Starbucks as a source of Top Pot delights.  The old-fashioned donuts in the Starbucks displays, especially, are probably Top Pot fare, even in Indiana.

When Becky and I visited Top Pot in Seattle (the original), we discovered a place where people were willing to stand in line in the rain.  (Of course, in Seattle, you are likely standing in the rain for most everything.)  Nevertheless, there was an apparent pull into this bakery and some of the rain that was falling was drool.

I shall continue to look over these doughnut recipes.  But without a fryer, I'm a my wits end.

I wonder . . . would a fryer make a great father's day gift?

Until we find the answers remember . . . all things, even donuts, in moderation!

My Father's Day Gift

Late Saturday night, after a celebratory graduation dinner on Mass Ave., my wife and I walked into a small shop that still had its doors open.  After some minutes of perusing the aisles, my wife announced that she was buying my father's day gift in advance.  (Never mind that I am not my wife's father and I don't expect her to buy me gifts for any occasion, even birthdays and Christmas . . . but I had to say yes when she pointed to this book title.)

Top Pot Hand-Forged Doughnuts: Secrets and Recipes for the Home Baker

Now, there's a story here.

Last summer my wife and I were blessed to visit the Pacific northwest, and our last stop was Seattle, where we not only visited and drank a cup at the original Starbucks, but we also happened upon the Top Pot bakery before our departure flight.  This turned out to be an iconic doughnut mecca (though we had not heard of it), and was fascinating on all fronts:  atmosphere, ambiance, aromas, auditory, and much more.

(See my original blogs here for more on our Top Pot visit.)

The book is now in my possession and is a father's day gift.  I'm learning much from reading this book . . . not only about the history of doughnuts, but also about how doughnuts are made (and how I can make them at home using these Top Pot recipes).

Over the next 3-4 blog posts, I'm also going to share some tidbits from my learning . . . doughnut lore, statistics, and some personal favorites.

Stay tuned.  I'm glad my wife loved me enough to buy this book with her hard-earned cash.  I might even make her a doughnut some evening. 

Back to the Bakery

This wonderful morning led me back to Hilligoss in Brownsburg where, after eating an apricot danish and decaf coffee, I purchased some glazed donuts for the Calvary staff.

There's something relaxed and relaxing about eating in a bakery, watching the sun rise, greeting other customers and telling them, "I worked here a few months ago and I know how they bake these things!"

Naturally, people don't like meeting weirdos so early in the morning and most walk away, their mouths stuffed full of pastry.

Surprisingly, for a Thursday morning, the clientele was steady and alert.  There were boxes purchased, and sacks.  Some folks just wanted coffee.

And if you haven't visited Hilligoss lately, might be time for a donut.

Just remember:  all things in moderation . . . especially donuts.

Vanilla Bean Bakery Experience

The Vanilla Bean Bakery (86th Street, Indianapolis) is a quaint, drop-in bakery that specializes in muffins, baked snacks, and cupcakes.  Anyone looking for an afternoon pick-me-up or a dinner dessert can't go wrong with the fare.

I stopped by the Vanilla Bean for a cup of coffee and two coconut cupcakes and, believe me, they go down easy. 

The space is also intimate and has all the makings of a drop-by meeting place for casual conversation and low-profile business meetings.  And the location is a fine option for those who live in Indianapolis, Carmel, or who are visiting St. Vincents hospital. 

I'll be back to the Vanilla Bean soon. And if you happen to driving past Towne road, take a look north on 86th street and you'll catch a glimpse of yet another option for your sweet tooth.

Or just stop by to say "Hi".

Looking for a Few Good Bakeries

I'm in search mode now . . . looking for a few good bakeries.  I've made my list of haunts I hope to visit, and on Friday I'll be taking to the streets to sample some of these fares in spots around Indianapolis.  I'd like to see where my taste buds can take me.

Naturally, everyone has a few favorites.  I've already visited Boyden's (southside), Daylight (southside), Hilligoss (Brownsburg), and even discovered Golden Brown (South Haven, Michigan).  But there are many others.

Have a favorite?

I'd love to hear from you.

Drop me a line if you have a favorite donut hang-out or a bakery I should try. I'll add it to my list and try to make the rounds in the coming months. 

Do You Dunk?

Not long ago I caught a Seinfeld rerun in which Kramer was telling his friends about Joe DiMaggio.  Evidently Kramer had seen the Yankee baseball icon in a Dinky Donut shop . . . and he was dunking.  Jerry and George were certain that Joe DiMaggio would not be a "dunker".

Better yet, Kramer decided to put the great DiMaggio's concentration to a test and began banging on the table and yipping.  DiMaggio continued dunking his donut and was not distracted.  The Yankee Clipper still had the ability to zone in on the task at hand.

I'm not certain as to the percentage of people who are dunkers, but I'm not one of them.  Oh, I'll dunk occasionally, but for the most part I'm a donut eater and a coffee drinker.

Percentages?

Be interesting to note who is and who isn't a dunker among the blog readers.  So, which are you? 

Dunker?  Or Not?

Worst Donut List

This week I was directed to a web site that listed the "Ten Worst Belt-Busting Donuts".  The key here was calories, naturally, and someone had actually taken the time and effort to compare one donut against another, analyzing and calorie-counting and weighing results in a laboratory.

And I thought donuts were for eating!  Silly me.

Of course, when the final tally came in, the worst donuts to eat were the ones that tasted the best.  A few of these were my favorites.

I'm not going to list the top ten here (don't want to plagiarize some idiot's hard-won research), but I will mention a few of the donuts that made the list.  No particular order.  And I'll offer my comments in italics.

The Chocolate Toasted Coconut Cake donut from Dunkin' Donuts
     This is one of my favorites, and when I eat four or five of these suckers in a single sitting, according to the research, I should lapse immediately into cardiac arrest and have to be revived with the paddles.

The Crueler from Starbucks
     I've had one of these, and they are okay.  But what can you expect from a display case?  Evidently this S.O.B. is loaded with sugars and fat.  That's why I get the coffee instead.

The Blueberry Cake donut from Dunkin' Donuts
    Okay, but I thought if a donut had blueberries in it, this meant it was in the fruit group.  And aren't blueberries loaded with anti-oxidants?  This is one of my favs and I'm pissed it's on the list!

Entenmann's chocolate covered donut
    I rarely buy Entenmann's, but I do know they have a display case at the end of the aisle (veiled Seinfeld reference from episode where Elaine ate the Petermann wedding cake and Peterman says:  "Lubek, you glorious tit-willow, you just netted me a profit of a $90,000!")  Okay, it was either a quote from Seinfeld, or M*A*S*H* or Gomer Pyle, or The Andy Griffith Show . . . take your pick. I've seen every episode of each show at least a dozen times.  And I'm not eating an Entenmann's.

What's on YOUR LIST?

Frozen Donuts

I am always amazed at what one can find in a church freezer.  And this past week I discovered a veritable trove of frozen donuts.  I'm sure these were "leftovers" from Easter, but after bringing home a bag and placing some on a plate for thawing . . . they weren't half bad.  Even the chocolate covered ones thawed out nicely.

Over the years I've discovered that donuts can be served up a multitude of ways.  Fresh.  Day-old.  Stale (but freshened up in the microwave with a damp paper towel).  Frozen. 

I'm wondering if anyone has considered making a donut on a stick?  I think that could be a great snack food success.

If there's anyone out there who knows how to market a product like this and would enjoy going halves with me . . . just write to me at this blog.

I'm at no loss for donut ideas.  And I'd be glad to meet for a discussion of these business ideas.

Over donuts . . . of course.

My Dough Heaven

Recently a young lady asked me a question about donuts:  Some of my friends are telling me that there will be no donuts in heaven.  They say that donuts are not heavenly food.  What do you think?  Will there be donuts in heaven?

Well, Virginia, let me answer your question.  Your little friends don't understand the nature of dough. Oh, sure, some people--especially adults--lose faith in the raspberry filling and the custard as they get older, and they believe they are trading their fairy tales for things they can see, like pink frosting and chocolate icing.  But, Virginia, they don't understand that as long as there have been donuts and people to eat them, donuts have lived in the mouths of children and will continue for as long as people love bakeries.  Yes, Virginia, a year from now, a thousand years from now, donuts will live on in the hearts of those who appreciate them.  Your little friends are mistaken.  Yes, Virginia, there will be donuts in heaven.

I'll see to it.

Donut Confessional

A bakery is a like a confessional.  Interesting . . . the conversations one overhears while drinking a cup of coffee.

Once, I overheard two women talking about an office romance that one of them was involved in.  Evidently, this is commonplace now, and a bakery (of course) is the perfect place to discuss the nuances of when and how such things "just happen."

On another occasion I overheard a job interview . . . which was not difficult, being that the boss and the prospect were seated within inches of my table.  The boss seemed very pleased by his location selection, but the prospect was, to say the least, both nervous and confused by the proximity and the personal nature of the questions the boss was asking.  At one point the prospect wondered aloud if they could "conduct the remainder of the interview in an office somewhere."  The boss declined, citing his busy schedule and then said, "I don't have any privacy at my office."  What?!  Duh?  The prospect walked away.  I wonder why?

Of course, I like to meet people for conversation in bakeries also.  But my conversations are more in the vein of:  "How about those Cubs?" or "What do you think of that jelly-filled scone?  Feel the buzz yet?"

If I'm going to listen to a person's confession, I'm not going to do it in a bakery.  I'm going to do it in a nice restaurant where the waiter can bring me a moist towelette and a dessert cart.  And if the penitent is willing to pay for my steak, I'm pretty sure all will be forgiven.

Golden Brown Bakery

On Tuesday, April 3, Becky and I stepped into The Golden Brown Bakery in South Haven, Michigan.  It's a mom-and-pop bakery on main street.  The first question I asked was, "What's good here?"

I was directed to the Walnut Log . . . a pickle-shaped cake donut that was sprinkled with sugar and finely-crushed walnuts.  "Do you want some coffee with that?" the attendant asked me.

"By all means," I replied.  "What's a Walnut Log without hot coffee?"

"Half a log," was the answer.

The poet in me began reciting, "Half a log, half a log, half a log onward.  Into the valley of death rode the six hundred."

Okay, but that's just me.  Sorry.

It was a great joy sharing my Walnut Log with Becky.  Some donuts just taste better when you share them.  And when you are in Michigan enjoying a beautiful day, it helps to stumble, unexpectedly, into a great bakery.

Golden Brown.

I won't soon forget you!

Easter Breakfast

One of my favorite days is Easter . . . and not just because, thank God, Christ is risen!  It is also because we have one humdinger of a breakfast . . . and donuts are part of the fare.

An Easter donut is a special treat.  Especially if that donut has Easter egg colors or exudes that special flavor that only Easter donuts possess.  Everything tastes better when the Son is shining.

And, if memory serves, there are also plenty of donuts left over.  Which means I get to bring a few home to enjoy later.  And, with Easter coinciding with the final round of The Masters golf tournament, those donuts might just make their way into my hands down the final fairway.

Fore!

What Happens in the Bakery Stays in the Bakery!

Every now and then, when I meet people in the bakery who are obviously buying a donut, they look skittish and sheepish, as if they are ashamed to be in a bakery, as if their purchase is demeaning to their humanity.  "I know I shouldn't do this," some of them say, "but I just can't help myself."  "These are sinfully good," othesr say.  "I try to stay away," others gasp, "but I am weak."

Indeed.

But, like Luther once proclaimed:  "Sin, and sin boldly."  (I got this quote from some Lutheran friends, but I'm not sure Luther said it . . . kind of like all the fluff people attribute to John Wesley that he never said.)

So . . . I'll say it.

Go ahead and eat a donut now and then.  It is good for the soul. 
    --Todd Outcalt, modern-day donut guru and patron saint of pastries

This quote is taken fresh from my upcoming book:  You Can't Take it With You:  But You Can Carry A Little Around Your Middle.

When I meet a friend in Dunkin' Donuts or Krispy Kreme, I don't turn away.  I face temptation head-on.  I order boldly and pour cream into my coffee, too.  Oh, there are times I'll make a comment like, "Of course, I'm heading to the gym after this" or " . . . this is for my wife, not me!"  But I don't want to add a lie on top of the coconut, so I usually just take a bite. 

If there are other sinners out there who want to form a Krispy Kreme Klub, let me know.  I'll be your pastor. 

Dreaming of Donuts

On Monday, after making hospital visits to IU Methodist and Riley, I found myself dreaming of donuts.  Certain concoctions scrolled through my head:  the lemon filled, the toasted coconut, the chocolate frosted.  I passed several bakeries, including a now-vacant store front that used to be home to Crawfords bakery--directly across the street from Methodist on Capital Ave.

Crawfords was one of those family bakeries that I often visited as an aftershock--especially if I had made a visit in the hospice wing.  When one is dealing in death, a donut is a spirit-filled offering that raises hope as well as blood-sugar levels. 

I often dream of donuts when I'm driving, and I keep my eyes peeled for new opportunities.  I noted two bakeries on 86th street that I hope  to visit in the near future, and I've got them pegged on my GPS.

Strange as it sounds, I also find that I lose weight when I'm eating more donuts.  As I haven't eaten many donuts in the past two weeks, I've gained four pounds.

I've got to get back to my roots.  I've got to visit those new bakeries.

There's a donut waiting for me . . . and it's the one I keep dreaming about.

My Oldest Donuts

Bakeries generally shed day-old donuts.  They usually give them to homeless shelters.  But I'm willing to buy.

A few weeks ago I encountered a pile of these "seconds" in Long's Bakery and had to leave the store with a few in tow.  Inexpensive.

But there's a secret to eating day-old donuts:  Dunk 'em.

Hot coffee is the great equalizer when it comes to seconds.  Dunk a day-old it freshens up quite nicely.

I've dunked donuts so stale they could have been used as a door-stopper.  But once they hit the drink, there's no telling how old they are. 

My oldest donuts have been at least a week old.  I've eaten donuts that were so old, we were on a first-name basis.  I've eaten donuts that were so old, I'm sure they were embalmed.  And I've eaten donuts that were so old, they had outcroppings of new growth on them.  But that just means there is more to love.

The next time you happen upon a bakery, don't look past the day-old shelf.  There are some great bargains there. 

Believe me.  I know.

And remember . . . all things, including donuts, in moderation!

The Pampered Donut

As I prepare to lead my fourth funeral in ten days, I thought I deserved a little extra . . . so this morning I'm going out for donuts (very early in the morning!).  I plan to gorge--since I'll be working out at the gym first.  I plan on drinking my fill of coffee, too.

This year (just like the past two years) I have not "given up" anything for Lent. Instead, I've made a commitment to "add" new disciplines to my life or my practice or my health.  Why take something away when you can add something better?  Anyway, it seems to me Jesus would like adding better than subtracting.  I'd rather serve more, give more, do more, help more, or be more . . . rather than try to be something I ain't or take away something that I'm just going to add back later.  I'd rather add something to my life that might stick around for the longer haul (more on this in my Easter message).

So . . . the donuts stay in my diet.  And hopefully, so will a few new practices.

For now, while I'm burying the dead, I'll be eating lots of pastries.  And if anyone wonders why I'm late to a funeral, don't look for me among the dead, but among the living . . . I'll be the one sitting at the table over a box of Krispy Kremes with a steaming cup of coffee between my hands.

I won't be long, however.  Death never takes a holiday.

The Coffee For Donuts

This donut blog is principally about the search for the perfect pastry . . . but we can't overlook the pairing of coffee with donuts.  And when it comes to finding the perfect coffee, one can't go wrong with the Casi Cielo blend from Starbucks.

This blend, which is only offered in the month of February, is also a staple in fine restaurants and is a Guatemalan blend . . . generally regarded as one of the top growing regions of the world.

I finished my final pot of Casi Cielo this morning and have felt rather blue all day.  Casi has that smooth finish that makes a cup of coffee not only enjoyable, but memorable.  Add a little cream . . . nothing quite like it.

And, if one is looking for a nice complement to a cup of Casi Cielo while reclining in a Starbucks chair, why not try one of the raspberry scones?  It may not be the perfect start to a morning, but it will get you half way there.

And remember . . . all things, including donuts, in moderation! 

PayDay

On Tuesday I found a $60 check in my mailbox, addressed to me, as payment for an article I wrote about donuts.  It's good to know that my donut fetish is finally paying off.

Now, some of you are probably wondering: how can you make money writing donut articles? 

It's simple.  First, I am a professional writer . . . and secondly, who better to write about donuts than me . . . and if not me, who? . . . and if not now, when?  I was just fortunate enough to write a donut article worthy of a pay day, but then again, I wasn't really fortunate because I actually wrote the donut article, and without the article there was no chance of being paid.  So, I'm the donut man.

I hope there are other editors out there who will recognize my expertise in this field.  Perhaps there are other editors in the environs of New York and Saskatchewan who are talking right now, saying amongst themselves:  "We need more articles about donuts, and this chap in Brownsburg is just the fellow to deliver.  Didn't he just write an article about the Bear Claw?  And if he can do Bear Claws, God only knows what he can do with jelly-filled!"

I'm waiting by the phone right now, anticipating other offers this week, large offers, that will have me writing about the top donut franchises perhaps, or about the growing significance of coconut in the donut lineup, or maybe even an article about the relationship between donuts and law enforcement.  I can write anything donut-related, and I can do my own research, too!  If tasting is required, I assume I can purchase a dozen and use my receipt as a tax deduction (research and development expenses). 

Regardless . . . I'm writing more about the donut later this week.  And my new windfall will help some young baker work his way through culinary school.  I like to give back.  And a culinary school would be just the place to send my $60.

But someday, perhaps, this same baker will grow up to become a famous chef and invite me over for dessert in his four-star restaurant.  He already has my order.  And I assume my meal will be "on the house". 

The Dunkin' Daylights

I've recently discovered that Dunkin' Donuts is a fantastic place for pastoral conversation.  Increasingly, I'm enjoying the fact that people prefer to meet me there for coffee and conversation:  planning, counsel, support, or otherwise.

I'm glad to oblige.  I'll even buy the donuts and coffee.

The last time I visited I also inquired about my job application.  Any openings for a old guy like me who wants to get into the quality control position?  Guess not.

Places like Dunkin' are thriving again because--like Starbucks--they provide a social setting for conversation and relaxation.  It's amazing what people will talk about when you place some hot coffee and a tasty donut in front of them.

Jesus might have enjoyed these places, too.  And had their been a Dunkin' in Galilee, he may never have left his home town.

 

My Hilligoss Experience 2

Watching Phil Hilligoss fry yeast donuts and glaze them was like watching a painter work on a canvass.  The entire process of lifting the dough off the racks, dropping the rings into the hot oil, taking them out (a dozen per stick) and then glazing them with sugar was one constant movement of proficiency.  And believe me, there's nothing like a freshly-glazed hot yeast donut.  Tops.

Spending a Saturday morning in a working bakery was amazing.  I'm grateful to Mike and Philip for giving me the opportunity to observe their business.  Understanding how they do it, I now know why people speak so highly of Hilligoss goods.  Truly, care has gone into every bite, and every single one of these donuts was nurtured from its doughy-beginning to its tasty-end.

The next time you have a hankering for a donut, you know where your nose will lead you.  Mainstreet.  Brownsburg.  Hilligoss.

Give me a call.  I'll meet you there.